Wasted

Facebook is both a fabulous connection tool and a horrible self-esteem killer.

Back when I started this blog I don't think I even knew FB existed - if it did. Now it's always on along with my email. I've re-connected with so many people I thought I'd never hear from again. They've moved, we only shared a short period of life together, or whatever. Now I can see everything they've done in the last few years and they can see the same about me.

Therein lies the rub. What I've done for the last few years is stay home with my son. With another one on the way I don't see myself getting back into the "working world" anytime soon.

People I knew in college all seem to have fabulous lives and careers and I wonder what they think when they see me. What have I done with my advanded degree? Sure, I used it for a couple years and will probably eventually go back to it. But what about now. It seems like a big waste of money for what I'm doing. A 4 year degree would have been more than adequate.

Or maybe it says more about my insecurities and the way I look at what other people have done with their lives (good or bad) than it actually says about me. Do people even care that I'm not using my degree? Or is it just me.

Of course this is all precipitated by running into a guy I knew in high school this weekend. I wonder how he sees me now, even though he probably doesn't even know I have a grad school degree. But it made me wonder how my grad school friends on FB see me.

And sometimes, to be honest, I just wonder if it was even worth it. Yes, if I didn't have kids it would be a field I would truly (and did) enjoy. But I knew that my ultimate goal was to have kids. Perhaps I still need the field because I won't always have small children, but it's hard to see beyond that now. Now that I'm in the middle of what will probably be 10 years out of that field. Of course, I had to go to grad school to even meet my husand and have said children. So maybe it's all theoretical anyway.

A convoluted maze where the other possibilities always look better, but are only that, possibilities that were.

The 5th Wheel

It's fair time around here, but I won't be going this year (we're sick). I have always loved going to the county fair. We had a pretty decent one up until a few years ago when people decided to quit entering stuff...

But this story takes place when I was somewhere between 19 and 21. I was single. Two of my good girlfriends from high school were respectively married, and either married or in a serious relationship (which depends on if I was 19 or 21!).

We all decided it would be fun to go to the fair. I was so hyped up about this that I neglected to realize that I would be...

The 5th wheel.

That's right, I didn't think to invite another girlfriend, or even a guy friend (of which I had many, thanks to our imbalanced youth group).

It was all fun and games through the eating and the walking in the animal barns, until we got to the carnival section.

Anyone ever been to the fair/carnival? Those rides are designed for 2.

Guess where that left me?

Alone.

And then it was getting dark (and romantic, in a carnival atmosphere-ish way) and so the two couples were strolling along holding hands while I was left to bring up the rear.

I trailed a few feet behind and made a solemn vow that I would never go to the fair by myself with couples again.

And that I would do my best to never put any of my friends in this position.

Lessons can be learned from painful situations! ;)

This post written for Soap Opera Sunday hosted by The Extraordinary Ordinary.

Why

Why do I dislike my best friends husbands? I have 2 best friends, one from high school and one from college. In my opinion they both married losers. Oh, they're not beat your wife type losers and you probably wouldn't know it just from meeting them. But when I see the lives that my friends have? Wow. One has an invalid for a husband (which isn't entirely his fault granted) that takes that as an excuse to do NOTHING with his life. He is lazy to the extreme and thinks it's okay while my friend works her tail off taking care of both of them. I can't see her ever having a normal family with kids.
The other has 3 kids and her husband is never home. He's "working", but he makes such poor business decisions that they are forever in debt and for awhile he even wanted her to go back to work to help support them. He said she could work nights since child care is so expensive? Hello, that is the most obnoxious thing I've ever heard. He would put her in an early grave since, um, when would she sleep? And it's not like he would ever lift a finger to help around the house.
I know this is a totally un-Christian way to feel, but both of these guys claim to be Christians. I think that's what almost pisses me off the most. And neither of them will take any outside advice. They think their lives are just fine the way they are.
Guess I shouldn't complain so much about my hubby, huh? At least I can stay home without having to worry about working. Yeah, we're on a tight budget, but the ONLY debt we have is student loans. And he does help around the house and he is home and plays with his son. Time for me to start looking on the bright side at my family.