Crying Shame

Today was fine. So why do I feel like crap?

Why are curse words flying out of my mouth left and right? Seriously!

It's the little things that are pissing me off. Although to tell the truth there are some deeper reasons. (Target's return policy anyone?)

My dinner ended up in the trash tonight. I dropped some noodles on the floor and of course right after I picked them up and put them back in my bowl the man had to say, "I wouldn't eat those, you don't know what kind of stuff it's picked up off the floor". Which meant that when I couldn't figure out which noodles it was the whole bowl went in the garbage.

I would have eaten it without even thinking about it if you hadn't said anything. F you. Now I didn't get dinner because this was one of those 2 bowls only meals. You wanted to give me half of yours, but that only made me more stubborn. No dinner for me, but I'm starving and haven't been eating anything nutritious for days (5 cans of Pringles in a week?).

Which of course leads to a bawling fit and you want to fix it. Damn it, somethings you can't fix and I just want to be left alone. Don't act like I'm rejecting you when I just want some space to have it out with myself. When I really want you to comfort me, I'll let you know. But most of the time you don't comfort anyway, you just want to fix it.

Then since there was laundry to be folded I went on a cleaning jag. Boxes to go in storage that have been sitting around for weeks. When I get out to the storage shed I find that his idea of "organizing" means bigger boxes piled on top of littler ones so the whole thing's about to come crashing down on me. Not to mention one box of his stuff is packed to lazily that the lid won't shut yet there's tons of air space inside the box. Could he be any less organized?

And what in the world are we going to do with an entire bag of fertilizer and one of some other powdery substance? We live in the city for crying out loud! Get rid of the science experiments already. You haven't used them in over a year and it's getting powder all over the rest of our stuff.

20 minutes later and I'm done with the shed. There's a ton more space now and our Christmas decorations aren't buried on the bottom. Much easier to get them out now when I don't have to worry about piling boxes on 2 feet of snow come December 1st. If we even do a tree/decorations this year. I'm not sure I'm up for it.

I just want my life to be organized. Is that too much to ask? I used to do okay. Now, not so much since I have myself, him, and the baby to keep together. I get to the end of my days and feel exhausted with nothing to show for it. Blogs are sucking me in, I'm not sleeping well so I have no energy and there are certain things I can only do when the baby's sleeping and certain things I can only do when he's awake. Where does the cycle stop?