Here We Go

Hey world. So I found out this morning that I'm pregnant. It's pretty early, but they say you don't get false positives... and it's not like we weren't trying!

I'm not sure what to think. I feel like I want more kids. I've always wanted a big family because I see how well big families get along. At least the ones I know. Then again, it probably has more to do with how they are raised.

Then I think about having more than 2 kids and I just feel overwhelmed. I feel lost sometimes with one. Like I've lost my identity in him. And the logistics involved with travel/moving overseas... ay. It would be so much more expensive, not to mention pushing it that many more years out since I really don't want to have a baby overseas or even a small child. Our friends told us the other night that it's not recommended to take a baby less than a year old to where we want to go anyway. Then again, it'll be years before we can pay off all our debts and even think about going.

I guess I'm just not sure I'm ready to give up more of myself. My son is almost 2 and I finally feel like I'm getting into a rhythm where I can get things done. Or maybe that just has to do with me being lazy. I'm not sure.

All I know is, I'm not nearly as excited this time around. And that kind of sucks.

Figuring Things Out

So here I am. Back to my feeling crappy self. I'm pissed at my son, pissed at my husband, pissed at myself. Pissed at the world basically.

I started to get this crazy thought that I'd been here before. Gee, I wonder why?

Then I wondered, hmm, does this have anything to do with say, that time of the month?

Check the calendar. and the dates on that last "crazy" post.

Ding, ding, ding, ding. We have a winner.

No idea why, but at least I feel better (slightly) knowing that I have some proof or reason as to why I feel the way I do.

But normal PMS (or whatever this is since I'm not on my period at the moment) shouldn't make you feel like shutting down should it? Shouldn't make you lash out at anyone and everyone. Shouldn't make you want to crawl into a hole and sleep for a month (or just die?).

I had some crazy hormonal issues in grad school due to stress. Let's just say perma periods are not fun.

I guess my body reacts to things oddly. Wonder what kind of crazy drugs I can get for this...