Hey world. So I found out this morning that I'm pregnant. It's pretty early, but they say you don't get false positives... and it's not like we weren't trying!
I'm not sure what to think. I feel like I want more kids. I've always wanted a big family because I see how well big families get along. At least the ones I know. Then again, it probably has more to do with how they are raised.
Then I think about having more than 2 kids and I just feel overwhelmed. I feel lost sometimes with one. Like I've lost my identity in him. And the logistics involved with travel/moving overseas... ay. It would be so much more expensive, not to mention pushing it that many more years out since I really don't want to have a baby overseas or even a small child. Our friends told us the other night that it's not recommended to take a baby less than a year old to where we want to go anyway. Then again, it'll be years before we can pay off all our debts and even think about going.
I guess I'm just not sure I'm ready to give up more of myself. My son is almost 2 and I finally feel like I'm getting into a rhythm where I can get things done. Or maybe that just has to do with me being lazy. I'm not sure.
All I know is, I'm not nearly as excited this time around. And that kind of sucks.
Showing posts with label moments. Show all posts
Showing posts with label moments. Show all posts
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Saturday, October 4, 2008
SOS - A wartime story
Welcome to Soap Opera Sunday... I'll be your host for the month of October. If you're new, the "rules" are here. Link up your story at the end of this post... the more the merrier!
This month's theme for Soap Opera Sunday is Long Distance Relationships.
I'm going to skip ahead in my Saga of Boys to one of my very last boyfriends...
When I was in college I spent two summers working in a national park with a ministry team. The second summer I was there I met a boy named Brad. At that time I had a boyfriend from college so we were just friends. We had a few things in common and we got along pretty well. He was goofy and made me laugh.
At the end of the summer I went back to college for my senior year. I ended my relationship with my boyfriend for personal reasons (but that will be another saga) and a few weeks later started communicating with Brad over the internet.
He was half the country away, going through his senior year, and DJing for his college radio station, which I could listen to on my computer. At one point he dedicated a song to me, his buddy from the summer.
Fast forward to the end of February (it's the year 2003). The US is getting ready to invade Iraq and Brad is in the National Guard reserves. His unit gets called up and he is getting ready to head out for some training in North Carolina (even farther away from me) before they are deployed.
I go to a production of A Piece of My Heart at school. It's a very powerful play about women in Vietnam in various roles (nurse, candy striper, and GSO performer girl being the ones that I remember). I come out of there just devastated.
It's almost 11pm my time and he's 2 hours later, but I call him anyway, just sobbing because I'm so afraid for him and what will happen. He calms me down and I eventually go to sleep, but I don't get over this feeling.
I believe this was the first time we talked on the phone and after that we start having weekly conversations.
Shortly thereafter Brad is shipped off to North Carolina where he's told their departure is imminent, as soon as they're issued their desert uniforms. Basically he's on pins and needles knowing they could be deployed with only a day or two's notice.
I remember that we had a little craft project we were doing one evening, weaving Easter baskets* for some local children. During the middle of the evening someone walked in and told us that we had just invaded Iraq. My heart dropped because I knew it was just a matter of time before he would be shipped over there. This is one of those moments I will remember forever...
*underwater basket weaving anyone? :)
This month's theme for Soap Opera Sunday is Long Distance Relationships.
I'm going to skip ahead in my Saga of Boys to one of my very last boyfriends...
When I was in college I spent two summers working in a national park with a ministry team. The second summer I was there I met a boy named Brad. At that time I had a boyfriend from college so we were just friends. We had a few things in common and we got along pretty well. He was goofy and made me laugh.
At the end of the summer I went back to college for my senior year. I ended my relationship with my boyfriend for personal reasons (but that will be another saga) and a few weeks later started communicating with Brad over the internet.
He was half the country away, going through his senior year, and DJing for his college radio station, which I could listen to on my computer. At one point he dedicated a song to me, his buddy from the summer.
Fast forward to the end of February (it's the year 2003). The US is getting ready to invade Iraq and Brad is in the National Guard reserves. His unit gets called up and he is getting ready to head out for some training in North Carolina (even farther away from me) before they are deployed.
I go to a production of A Piece of My Heart at school. It's a very powerful play about women in Vietnam in various roles (nurse, candy striper, and GSO performer girl being the ones that I remember). I come out of there just devastated.
It's almost 11pm my time and he's 2 hours later, but I call him anyway, just sobbing because I'm so afraid for him and what will happen. He calms me down and I eventually go to sleep, but I don't get over this feeling.
I believe this was the first time we talked on the phone and after that we start having weekly conversations.
Shortly thereafter Brad is shipped off to North Carolina where he's told their departure is imminent, as soon as they're issued their desert uniforms. Basically he's on pins and needles knowing they could be deployed with only a day or two's notice.
I remember that we had a little craft project we were doing one evening, weaving Easter baskets* for some local children. During the middle of the evening someone walked in and told us that we had just invaded Iraq. My heart dropped because I knew it was just a matter of time before he would be shipped over there. This is one of those moments I will remember forever...
*underwater basket weaving anyone? :)
Saturday, September 13, 2008
SOS - Can I Die Now?
Don't worry, I'm not getting all suicidal on you. This is a Soap Opera Sunday post...
High school was not a real fun time for me. Honestly I have no idea why, but I wasn't popular and I was probably too smart for my own good. I think somewhere along the way I started being less outgoing because it was just less painful that way. (unfortunately, yes, it still seems people act that way)
This story takes place during my sophomore year...
The church I went to was roughly affiliated with a Boys Ranch. A Christian place for boys who had for one reason or another been separated from their families and were supposed to be getting their lives back together. (yeah, one of my best friends is married to one of these guys and we won't even say how crazy I think he is - makes my blood boil thinking about - but that's a story for another day)
These boys all lived in family groups with group parents who rotated out every week. So every week they showed up at the parents' church, which on odd weeks happened to be mine.
This is how I became acquainted with Ryan.
Ryan had a huge crush on me.
Ryan also had no people skills and very little common sense. He would say whatever came to mind with no thought to the consequences. He was a self-proclaimed "Jesus Freak" who went around telling people that he had slept with girls and all sorts of other things that fell under the category of TMI.
Let's just say that every Sunday Ryan was going to be at my church I would try my hardest to wedge myself into a pew with a group of friends so that there was absolutely no room left over... otherwise I'd be sitting by Ryan. This is not to say that sometimes he didn't try to sit by me even when I was already touching thighs with the people on either side of me!
Ryan was also in my sophomore history class. With my track coach as the teacher. Track coaches, I have learned, are sometimes not the greatest teachers. This teacher, on occasion, didn't really want to conduct class. He had a school photo of himself that he had cut out the head and thumb tacked to the end of a pencil. He called it Slappy. He would also sometimes make the filmstrips "jump" or "ride" across the screen for better effects on still pictures. He was that great of a teacher... (he was also proud of the fact that he got his hair cut with a FlowBee!)
But I'm getting off track. (ha, I crack myself up, I'm so witty!)
So one day "everyone" in class decided that they didn't really want to have history class and were going to try to get the teacher off track. He was pretty agreeable to the situation and so we tried to ask him all the random questions about himself we could. But there is a limit to what you will ask and what a teacher will tell you about himself (at least he had limits...)
He said, "Well, I guess we'll just have to go back to history". Everyone protested and someone came up with the 'great idea" of asking one of the students questions about himself.
And who did they pick?
You guessed it.
Ryan.
Ryan gets to sit up in front, on the teacher's stool behind the podium. He is thrilled (almost) beyond words that his fellow classmates want to interview him.
(A little side note here. I believe it's roughly October and by this point in the school year Ryan has asked literally every girl in the school if they will go to Homecoming with him. He doesn't have a date.)
So by this time in history class I am most likely halfway immersed in whatever book I'm reading. (I am a bookworm to end all and routinely read a book a day while in high school - maybe that's why I wasn't so popular?)
However, I instantly snap to attention when someone asks him, "If you could go out with any girl in the school, who would it be?"
I know, before he even opens his mouth, that he is going to say my name. And I wished with all my might that a hole would magically appear under my desk so I could disappear.
Unfortunately that did not happen, he looked right at me with this sappy grin, and said my name.
Cue all heads in the classroom swiveling in my direction and snickers emanating from all the "cool" boys.
I wanted to die!
Shall we say, I didn't live that one down for quite awhile?
For more drama you can go to The Extraordinary Ordinary and read other people's Soap Operas.
High school was not a real fun time for me. Honestly I have no idea why, but I wasn't popular and I was probably too smart for my own good. I think somewhere along the way I started being less outgoing because it was just less painful that way. (unfortunately, yes, it still seems people act that way)
This story takes place during my sophomore year...
The church I went to was roughly affiliated with a Boys Ranch. A Christian place for boys who had for one reason or another been separated from their families and were supposed to be getting their lives back together. (yeah, one of my best friends is married to one of these guys and we won't even say how crazy I think he is - makes my blood boil thinking about - but that's a story for another day)
These boys all lived in family groups with group parents who rotated out every week. So every week they showed up at the parents' church, which on odd weeks happened to be mine.
This is how I became acquainted with Ryan.
Ryan had a huge crush on me.
Ryan also had no people skills and very little common sense. He would say whatever came to mind with no thought to the consequences. He was a self-proclaimed "Jesus Freak" who went around telling people that he had slept with girls and all sorts of other things that fell under the category of TMI.
Let's just say that every Sunday Ryan was going to be at my church I would try my hardest to wedge myself into a pew with a group of friends so that there was absolutely no room left over... otherwise I'd be sitting by Ryan. This is not to say that sometimes he didn't try to sit by me even when I was already touching thighs with the people on either side of me!
Ryan was also in my sophomore history class. With my track coach as the teacher. Track coaches, I have learned, are sometimes not the greatest teachers. This teacher, on occasion, didn't really want to conduct class. He had a school photo of himself that he had cut out the head and thumb tacked to the end of a pencil. He called it Slappy. He would also sometimes make the filmstrips "jump" or "ride" across the screen for better effects on still pictures. He was that great of a teacher... (he was also proud of the fact that he got his hair cut with a FlowBee!)
But I'm getting off track. (ha, I crack myself up, I'm so witty!)
So one day "everyone" in class decided that they didn't really want to have history class and were going to try to get the teacher off track. He was pretty agreeable to the situation and so we tried to ask him all the random questions about himself we could. But there is a limit to what you will ask and what a teacher will tell you about himself (at least he had limits...)
He said, "Well, I guess we'll just have to go back to history". Everyone protested and someone came up with the 'great idea" of asking one of the students questions about himself.
And who did they pick?
You guessed it.
Ryan.
Ryan gets to sit up in front, on the teacher's stool behind the podium. He is thrilled (almost) beyond words that his fellow classmates want to interview him.
(A little side note here. I believe it's roughly October and by this point in the school year Ryan has asked literally every girl in the school if they will go to Homecoming with him. He doesn't have a date.)
So by this time in history class I am most likely halfway immersed in whatever book I'm reading. (I am a bookworm to end all and routinely read a book a day while in high school - maybe that's why I wasn't so popular?)
However, I instantly snap to attention when someone asks him, "If you could go out with any girl in the school, who would it be?"
I know, before he even opens his mouth, that he is going to say my name. And I wished with all my might that a hole would magically appear under my desk so I could disappear.
Unfortunately that did not happen, he looked right at me with this sappy grin, and said my name.
Cue all heads in the classroom swiveling in my direction and snickers emanating from all the "cool" boys.
I wanted to die!
Shall we say, I didn't live that one down for quite awhile?
For more drama you can go to The Extraordinary Ordinary and read other people's Soap Operas.
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